bad beth

i can't believe i went that long without blogging again. i thought i was gonna do better.... sorry.

i think i'm able to blame it on josh. he's been on the computer all the time working on his silly attitude thingy (remember, he's the spaceman who works on satellites..). he had to get it done before he left for reno.

cry. he's in reno. i'm all by myself in a city where i don't know anybody at all. i was at taylor on friday, but i didn't even stop by the dorm to see anybody. i wasn't sure i would know anybody. and if i didn't, that would have been awkward and depressing. i so desperately wanted to be able to walk into gerig and see melissa, ashley, paul, emily... everyone who made that dorm my home for so long... being in a big city without anyone (if even for a weekend) really emphasized that desire.

i've been on the phone all weekend. i called becky and she couldn't come down and see me, so we just talked for a couple hours as if we were right next to each other. i even went to blockbuster and picked out a movie as if she were with me. i'm such a pathetic people person.

i've decided i don't like making new friends. i liked being forced to get to know each other because of close proximity. it didn't take any effort at all. people got to know the good and the bad about me and i got to see who remained when all was in the open and decided those were my friends. now those people are so far away! where do i go to get new friends like that? the other teachers at school aren't 'my type'. the other people at the church i go to intimidate me. they're all dressed in their Gap finest and they all know each other but nobody knows me. i want to go to a smaller closer church so it would be easier to get to know people, but josh (who isn't a people person at ALL) loves this church so much for the music, sermon, and pastor that he can't see my logic and refuses. i can see his point. i love the music, sermon, and pastor too - i think that all three are better here than at any other church i've ever been to. but i want the church family. i want people to ask how i'm doing and mean it. i want to be able to get together with those people outside of church. i want a life!!

enough complaining.

i went to the doctor on friday... OH i forgot to say - there was no school on friday! not because of snow - there was none. not because of ice storms - none of those either. but because of contaminated water. yay indy water company!! you made my day! a couple of their machines went down, and so there was a 3 minute water boil advisory thingy and we could do that everytime a child wanted a drink, so school was cancelled! too bad i got the news the second my head was under the shower, so i had to finish and dry off and all that good stuff before getting back into bed for the rest of the day.

but back to the doctor. i went on friday and met my doctor for the first time. i like her enough i suppose. i'm still caught in the decision of whether to have the midwife or the doctor. don't worry, if i had a midwife, i would still deliver in the hospital and if there were any complications, my doctor would be there. the only difference is that the midwife would see me every month, where as i'm told the doctors share their patients so i would see a different person every month. but then, when i was making my next couple of appointments, the receptionist made them all with my doctor... so i don't know if that's true anymore. but anyways - doctor's appointment. i got there at 3:45, thinking my appointment was at 3:50. i was all proud of myself because i was early. but then the receptionist told me my appointment was at 3:20. crap. i looked at my appointment card... it was for last month. same day, different month, different time. oops. so i waited in the waiting room with josh for half an hour before getting called in. then the nurse weighed me (that was depressing - and it's only going to get worse...) and took my blood pressure and told me the doctor would be right with me. so 45 minutes go by and i'm still sitting there, waiting for the doctor to be 'right with me'. i'm hoping that that was all because i was late, and that it won't happen again... we'll see. but then the doctor finally comes in and she squirts some jelly on my belly and we get to hear the baby's heartbeat!!! (not from the jelly... from this other thingy that she rubbed on the jelly on my belly.) we recorded it and everything. very sentimental. then she felt my belly and found my uterus and said basically all was good. i wanted to feel it too, but i couldn't... but supposedly it's like the size of a grapefruit now. josh got to feel it. poo.

so i'm 14 weeks. i'm in my 15th week. i'm three months. i'm in my fourth month. the baby's about 5 inches (head to butt) supposedly.

OH and i found out when i was talking to the doctor that insurance doesn't cover ultrasounds unless they're medically necessary. so finding out whether the baby is a girl or boy isn't a medical reason to get an ultrasound. so unless i come across $600 or a medical reason for an ultrasound after my 18th week, it'll be a surprise to us all, and the baby will have to live with those glorious nuetral tones of green, yellow, and orange.

well, i better go. i doubt anyone will even read this because 1)it's been so long since i've blogged and 2) it's so frickin long.

beth