Tuesday, July 24

Overcoming Demons

I recently started reading Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis and it has opened my eyes to the spiritual world around me. The Bible and pastors may speak of demons in this world, but somehow it didn't sink in until I picked up this book (and I'm only on chapter three!).

In this book, Lewis tells of a correspondance between two demons (a junior and a senior officer, if it could be compared to M*A*S*H terms (of which we are currently in the middle of a marathon)). The senior demon is giving advice to the junior demon (his nephew) on how to successfully turn his subject away from the Enemy (God). These demonic tips so far seem to center on controlling the subject's thoughts and keeping certain thoughts from him.

And here I thought I controlled my own thoughts.

Did you ever get the idea you should do something; a strong conviction, perhaps from the Holy Spirit? But then another voice inside your head offers all the possible negative results - the awkwardness, the inconvenience, the possible rejection. And so you end up dismissing the original idea because, well, it was just a thought, right? And "it's the thought that counts."

Recently, I have met a Chinese mother here at the apartment complex. She has a little boy, just a few months older than Benjamin, and an older girl in second grade. She lives right across from the playground, so she tends to come visit us when she sees us there playing. Up until recently, it's been a nice, shallow relationship. I couldn't even remember her name.

Then came the Voices.

"You should invite her over."
"You should invite her to MOPS."
"You should invite her to the library on Tuesdays (Story Time)."

"Oh, but you can hardly understand what she's saying through her accent."
"Would she even fit in the car with all the carseats?"
"You're really too busy, what with two small children, all those dishes and loads of laundry."
"The apartment is a mess! It would be too embarrassing to have her over."

So I idled in my indecision. Until she forced me to choose a side. She invited me over "sometime" and told me which apartment she lived in.

So I made up my mind at that point, right?

Nope.

"Sure! Sometime..."

And left it at that.

That night, I decided I would go visit her. The very next morning. I would dress the children, feed Olivia her breakfast, wash and hang the laundry, and head out the door! Yes, I was nervous. Yes, I still heard those voices. The demon voices seemed to come in a bit clearer than the heavenly ones. Why is that?

And then morning came. With screaming. Lots of screaming. Olivia was upset at the world. I was getting more and more irritated with every whine and whimper. I couldn't put Benjamin down. I couldn't get anything accomplished. The children were naked. The laundry was done, but wet in a basket. Hanging it would require kicking a toddler off my shin and putting Fussy Baby down so he could morph into Screaming Baby.

Wow, were my demons working overtime! I wavered back and forth. Should I go? Is it worth it? It's getting so late! Finally, it was noon. The sun was shining; it was a beautiful day. The children were clothed, fed, dry-diapered. Still not happy, but maybe, just maybe that sunshine will do the trick...

And we left the apartment.

The scales started to tip. The demon voices faded away. The screaming stopped. We were on our way.

It wasn't awkward. I understood her. She understood me. She seemed to happy to see us. I enjoyed seeing her. Olivia loved being there. Benjamin... well, he was indifferent, but what did you expect?

We're going to the park on Tuesday.

I overcame my demons.

And then, on Sunday, I heard a sermon on the good Samaritan. Have you ever wondered about the priest and the Levite who crossed on the other side of the road? Have you spent much time at all pondering their circumstances? For the first time, I pictured the road as a bustling Michigan Avenue. And I heard the demons inside their heads.

"You really don't have time for him."
"Look at all these other people; let them help him."
"You can help him on your way back, if you have time."
"He'll just use your money to buy drugs and alcohol."

What are your demons telling you?

Can you overcome them?

*Hint* Prayer helps. A lot.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the post, that was really interesting. I also get the voice ALL THE TIME!!! I have a history of struggling with mental illness (who knew, right?). I believe now that the illness stemmed from the negative voices dragging me down with them. It's scary. I still struggle to this day as I have been on and off medications. You never knew this about me...not a whole lot of people do.

I'd like to read CS Lewis. Is it a hard read? I could not get through Narnia when I was younger because of the difficult vocabulary. The same is for the LOTR books. Is it like that?

Beth @ The Natural Mommy said...

Narnia was a hard read for me when I was younger too. Same reasons: the vocabulary, but also the pages of descriptions bored me to pieces. Now that I'm older, though, I can totally enjoy the Chronicles. I read them regularly. You should give them another try.

Screwtape Letters is a little deeper and there's a ton of meaning piled in short chapters. So I'll only read a few pages at a time, just to be sure I don't skim it. But it's definitely interesting, and I recommend it!

Oh, and it sounds like your voices are louder than mine! But God is stronger. (Watch much Veggie Tales? "God is bigger than the boogeyman...")

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philipians 4:6-7